Chapter 4: What is Love
“For this is what it means to be a king: to be first in every desperate attack and last in every desperate retreat, and when there’s hunger in the land to wear finer clothes and laugh louder over a scantier meal than any man in your land. ”
Here is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life.
1 Timothy 1:15-16
What a great text to kick off the subject of love. Because as discussed in previous chapters, when we begin the conversation with our own testimony of God’s rich mercy, we are reminded that we are no different than the world around us if it weren’t for the redemptive work of Christ. But please note the last part of that sentence as the most important part of the sentence. I know many people who would be ok placing a period after “we are no different than the world without us.” But because of Jesus, we are a new creation, the old is gone, the new has come, and we only learn to walk in that truth more and more as we grow older. Being transformed by truth is evidence of Christ’s love in us.
We kick around this concept of love and truth quite a bit as believers. But what do we really mean by that? I’ve heard it said that all love with no truth is hypocrisy, and all truth with no love is brutality. But as good as that rolls off the tongue, is that enough? Does it thoroughly answer how we are to practically juxtapose the two words? We find ourselves picking a side, to either love unconditionally or tell the truth unapologetically. So when it comes to the heavier and more complex issues, like the conversation around sexuality and scripture- is that even worth talking about anymore? Are we so convinced one way or another, that there is no longer room to discuss it?
Sexuality is not a subject I take lightly and obviously its intimately tied together with the idea of love. I have read books on the subject and walked alongside friends wrestling with their sexuality for years. It’s a subject that has produced much prayer for others but maybe more for myself. It has produced tears, pain, and even broken relationships. But I don’t believe this is a taboo subject. ..I do believe though that Christians often fail to have the language to enter into the conversation in an edifying way. I believe this because I lived this. And so the lie is that Christians should just focus on the majors, and let these “minor” topics fall under the umbrella of grace and it’s there that we’ll experience a richer love. We’ve heard the quote, “In essentials unity, in non-essentials liberty, and in all things charity.” There are minors, but I don’t think sexuality is one of them. I think sexuality can either be the demonstration of love or the thief of love. So to begin the conversation on love, let’s first iron out what I’ve dubbed the thief of love.
The Thief of Love
There are more and more people coming out as openly gay and Christian, and for a lot of us, we don’t quite know how to have that conversation. I mean, there are so many people presenting very well constructed arguments for it. Here is one idea that I find to be logical in the conversation. The common way this is presented is that “When two people love each other, they should be able to get married.” Right? Who are we to tell someone that the love they feel isn’t allowed? Well, by saying “When two people love each other,” one would need to take the moral high ground above scripture, and declare themself the qualified judge of what love is in the first place. It becomes 100% subjective at that point. So for the sake of the argument, let’s break that statement down. When we break free of what God has established (Yes, Jesus, too) as marriage and the gift of sex and one of the most vidid illustrations of love, we will eventually obligate ourselves to re-establish where the new boundary is based on our own reasoning. So where is that line for you, specifically? Because the statement “when two people love each other” is littered with different lines of bigotry.
The word “When” suggests that love is allowed at a particular time. So at what age is sexual activity acceptable to you? What about pedophilia? In many secular circles this boundary is already being pushed. So does your definition of love include everyone except them?
“Two” suggests that love stops with obviously two individuals. What about polygamy? Does your definition of love currently extend to everyone except them? If you think I’m being extreme - The Cambridge Council in Cambridge Massachusetts has decided to become the second city in the entire United States to legalize domestic partnerships between three or more people. The first came less than a year ago, and it is also in Massachusetts in the city of Somerville, So it too is happening right before our eyes.. But back to this particular line of thinking..
“People” obviously suggests that this is just for people. What about beastiality? If you’re rolling your eyes at this point, then it is because you would say “Obviously I don’t mean those people.” To which I would ask, “Why?” That’s the bigger question. Upon whose authority did you draw the line there? And the answer is your own.
For most of secular society, those examples are currently “the easy line.” It’s largely not even debated. But isn’t that precisely what liberal ideology is founded on? Open to new behaviors and opinions? That is obviously not always a bad thing, but on the subject of sexuality, which is an illustration of love, the line in society has constantly changed. This is nothing new. However, with the ability to form global communities on-line, that is new. The line is only going to continue to be pushed deeper and darker as people find like-minded behavior and affirmation globally. What used to be intentionally suppressed as an evil thought or wicked desire (i.e. sin), is now vibrantly affirmed as justifiable and simply human. Not to mention nearly every subtle attempt in most of our new TV shows to normalize and portray these relationships as healthy. The conversation around homosexuality is just the beginning of the dismantling of marriage as Jesus created and defined it to be: one man and one woman.
So beyond that line of logic, the best philosophy a christian can have is obviously one built around the Word of God. So what does scripture say about this topic? Well, quite a bit and you can see a large portion of it discussed with a quick google search of “Voddie Baucham Homosexuality.” That’s one of my favorite sermons on the issue as of late. But I’m not going to reference the texts that explicitly dive into sexual immorality, or even sin directly. Rather, I’d like to look at Philippians 2 as we consider our calling to love and everything that falls under that umbrella. Because neither, this chapter nor this book is built on tearing people down, the entire point is redemption through love and thats what we see in Phil. 2.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!”
Philippians 2:3-8 NIV
Dude, forget 1 Corinthians 13, Phil. 2 is the love chapter!
If I were to ask you the one word most associated with LGBTQ+ culture or identity- what would you say? Pride, I would assume. The month that is set aside to celebrate this particular group of people is in fact named Pride Month. But while that word may be most associated there, it’s certainly not limited to them. The reality is that our culture at large is built on the P word. The American life, the American dream is one of pride.
Being proud isn’t always bad, but when our pride becomes our source of identity, our source of righteousness- we have begun to miss the mark. Matter of fact, that’s the literal definition of sin; an old archery term used to describe ‘missing the mark.’ So this can’t hinge on American politics, one side being right and the other side being wrong, conservatives vs. liberals. We all miss the mark. If you’re listening to this and you’re the most heterosexual, strait-laced, church attending person out there- that’s you too. American culture across the board is built on the same basic thing that our sexuality begins with: Our desires. All of us want what we want. But love must begin differently.
The Demonstration of Love
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!”
Philippians 2:3-8 NIV
One of my favorite and admittedly plagiarized ways to define humility isn’t by thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. If we’re being honest, Where do we begin the conversation about sex? Where do we begin the conversation about love? Because this text calls us to have the same mindset as Christ Jesus, and sex is only an illustration of that love. There’s a thought for us to chew on..
We can’t talk about the (quote unquote) other verses until we square up here. Are we willing to lay aside our personal, unique, very real, and sometimes very dark desires, and pursue Christ? Are we willing to follow His Word and not the rationality of the world? Because if we are, the reality is that all of scripture is beneficial and all of it is God-breathed. It is His direct Word to us. If I can remind you of anything, I will remind you of that!
I recently heard one of my favorite lines when it comes to God’s will for our life. The guy said God doesn’t want deciders, He wants disciples. He was saying it in the context of heaven and hell; God doesn’t want you to just “not want to go to hell.” What a sad and shallow reason to follow someone! God wants all of you. He wants you to recklessly abandon “you” and love Him. It’s not about where you go in death, it’s about where you go in life.
Love’s really not a complicated issue when we step in with that in mind. We make it complicated because we make this whole story about ourselves -which is why sex is so often confused with love. We, myself included, want to begin the conversation there.
You know you see this all the time.. we can’t stand the idea of someone we love not being in heaven. And that’s natural. That is love- wanting the best for them! Which is why with so many people claiming a proud identity in their sexuality, Christians need to come out of the closet, too. Because love is truth and love speaks truth. The two cannot be separated. If we truly believe what God’s word says, and we truly value others above ourselves, then this is worth talking about more. We should listen more, we should be slower to speak, but that doesn’t mean we sit in silence and it certainly doesn’t mean we redefine truth. We should be good at earning the right to be heard, but we should be better at speaking truth in an encouraging way. Love isn’t just an action, love is a skill that takes practice.
We are called to love our neighbor as ourself, but wouldn’t that involve communicating with them? We are called to feed the homeless, but shouldn’t we invite them to a better life? We are called to give every person (and yes- every person) the opportunity to follow Jesus, but isn’t that through teaching? “How will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent! As scripture says- “How beautiful are the feet of those that preach the good news!” That’s out of Romans 10. If the people in our life choose to not receive what we are offering, that is their decision. At which point, what fellowship does light have with darkness (that’s 2 Cor. 6:14)? I used to hear that verse and think that Christians are supposed to avoid “sinners” at all cost and retreat to our holy huddles. “What do we have in common with them?!” But it’s the opposite! Jesus did the opposite! We are called to go love “them” because He first loved us! 1 John 1. While we are unlovable- He loves us! Romans 5:8. And He invites us into a relationship with Him! It’s not the light that is overtaken by the darkness, it’s not the light that retreats because it doesn’t want to associate with darkness, it’s the light that penetrates the darkness and the darkness that disappears! We aren’t called into the Kingdom of heaven to look down our nose and use it to our advantage; rather we are called to go and serve humanity in faithful humility. Those who call themselves followers of Christ, have the same mindset as Christ.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!”
Philippians 2:3-8 NIV
As I worked to organize my train of thought for this chapter, I was ironically notified of a tweet by Simon Sinek - he tweeted this: “Instead of calling people out, let’s start calling them in. Lead with curiosity instead of judgement.” Now, to be fair, it looks like he is quoting Jenna Arnold, so credit to her where it’s seemingly due, but that’s not really the point and I didn’t research it much further than a glance. The point is that we don’t have to call out the people we love and exploit any sin of theirs. Did God do that to you? He certainly didn’t do it to me! The point is that as people seek to have tough conversations more and more in our life, in our families, in our circle of friends, we have a beautiful opportunity to call them into a relationship with Jesus. Further up and further in! A relationship that doesn’t start with selfish or vain conceit, rather in humility. It’s ok to be curious about a heated topic. It’s not ok to dismiss an entire group of people. If that were ok, I would be screwed. When people want to quote the relevance of levitical law to you because of the current sexual revolution, you can say “amen” and use it as a spring board to open the scriptures with them!
There are many people in my life who disagree with me on this very topic- can I still love them? Can I still listen and learn from them? Can I still strive to love them better? Yes. Yes. More yes. That is a point I’m trying to make.. But you cannot love someone without telling them the truth. That is my foundational point for love and key encouragement for us. Do we know the truth? If they, whoever they are, choose to not believe the truth, that is not your fault. You shouldn’t be ashamed for believing in truth. But in the same breath that doesn’t mean we throw shame at them. The only one that can convict is The Spirit. The only one that is Holy is the Father. The only source of pride is in Christ. And that’s worth coming out about. That’s worth sharing with people.
One of the cornerstones of the ministry I used to work with is that we share the love of Christ with high schoolers, and regardless of their response, we keep loving them. On the surface, it would appear that we whole heartily embraced the cliche “love the sinner, hate the sin.”
I don’t necessarily disagree with that statement, as long as we are clear on what “love” is. We don’t celebrate a 16 year old choosing to smoke weed. We don’t affirm a 12 year old choosing self harm as the answer. We love them by telling them about Jesus and remind them constantly that they are invited to leave all that behind and follow Him. We love them by letting them know that there is a community of broken people, just like them, just like myself, choosing to seek Christ first instead of worldly things. This is the local Church - a hospital for the ill, not a museum filled with perfect people. Why do we go to a hospital? We go to get better and to grow healthy and strong. Until they choose that community, we keep showing up with the hope that they will slowly believe His word through us.
Christians are called to love. Period. 100%. But let’s make sure we are looking to the author of love for the definition of love. Here’s my opinion on a healthy balance between love and truth- Love spends more time calling us into life as it ought to be, and less time on what we’re not to be. It’s only there that a “no” becomes a sweeter yes and truth becomes a better love.
Think about your testimony. What has the Lord brought you out of and where is He leading you? Do you feel stuck? For a moment, don’t think about the issues of the world, but just consider where you’re at in this season of life. Maybe you have an amazing coming to faith story and now it’s feeling a bit stale. Maybe your life has always been a bit monotonous.
Dear friend, know that I’m praying for you. I may not understand your circumstance fully but I know what God has done for me and I’m praying that through the living Spirit alive in each of us- you would be reminded of that as well. If you’ve seen the movie Moana, you’ll remember the scene towards the end where they arrive to restore the heart of Te Fiti (or Te Ka as she is known without her heart). Te Fiti is hideous as they approach her, a flaming monster charging across the parted sea as Moana steps forward to receive her. Moana sings, “I have crossed the horizon to find you. I know your name. They have stolen the heart from inside you, but this does not define you. This is not who you are. You know who you are!” And as she places the heart within her, new life blossoms and Te Fiti is redeemed. Oh, and as Te Fiti is redeemed, their world is redeemed. I know most of us like to pretend we are Moana or Maui when we watch the show but the truth is, we are Te Fiti. Now that metaphor is bound to break down somewhere but isn’t that beautiful? I see Moses in Te Fiti, crossing the parted sea not knowing what in the world is in store for him. I see the father of the prodigal son in Moana, running out to meet his lost son. I see Jesus commanding us in those lyrics, “Remember who you are! Remember what I have done for you!”
You know a caterpillar probably doesn’t know that it has the DNA of a butterfly, but that doesn’t make it less true. Do you know how great the father’s love for you is? Because if you do, that will propel you to love others the same. He crossed the horizon to find you. He knows your name. They have stolen the heart from inside you, but that does not define you. This is not who you are. You know who you are.
Let’s look at Luke 9:49-56 real quick. It says this:
John answered and said, “Master, we saw someone casting out demons in Your name; and we tried to prevent him because he does not follow along with us.” But Jesus said to him, “Do not hinder him; for he who is not against you is for you.”
Think about the circumstances in our individual life for a moment, instead of being caught up in all the noise of the world. We are called to love the people in our life. John is almost looking for a fight here and what does Jesus say? “Is he coming after you?” Who is in your immediate life (not your newsfeed)? That’s where we should focus.
When the days were approaching for His ascension, He was determined to go to Jerusalem; and He sent messengers on ahead of Him, and they went and entered a village of the Samaritans to make arrangements for Him. But they did not receive Him, because He was traveling toward Jerusalem. When His disciples James and John saw this, they said, “Lord, do You want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them?” But He turned and rebuked them, [and said, “You do not know what kind of spirit you are of; for the Son of Man did not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them.”] And they went on to another village.
Strong language here about truth and love. Not only does Jesus not attack the Samaritans opposing Jesus, but he actually jumps all over James and John for suggesting harming them. Jesus didn’t come to destroy men’s lives, He came to save them. This story is not about the redemption of the samaritans, it’s about the redemption of James and John.
